Issue 5 - May 2009

Issue 5 : May 27, 2009

Latest Happenings:

Nothing major as most big news will come out of E3. A couple of things have been revealed lately, like Tony Hawk Ride and a slew of Guitar/DJ/Band Hero titles. I’m already sick to death of peripherals and Activision is swiftly becoming the new gaming anti-christ. That now famous quote from that Howdy-Doody looking Activistion Exec about how they dumped Ghostbusters because they couldn’t “exploit” it year after year still blows my mind. Oh yeah, can’t forget about the just announced GTA IV DLC, The Ballad of Gay Tony. No shit. Good for you, Rockstar. You haven’t been in the news for a while and this should grab some attention.

Anywho, lots of rumblings in rumorville. Slim PS3, new Kojima game that’s possibly a Metal Gear (or 2), new PSP revision, price drops, bundles, unannounced games, lots of good stuff. The Mass Effect 2 preview in this month’s Official Xbox Magazine is an excellent article. New characters, tidbits on the story, fixing what didn’t work in ME1, all great stuff. They’re hyping the story to be monumental, especially the ending. I can’t imagine how they can top the ‘wow’ factor of ME1, but it sounds like they’re crafting the greatest sci-fi story told since Star Wars (OT of course).

As for new releases, the delay of Batman still annoys me to no end. Infamous did come out this week and it looks awesome. It’s PS3 only, so I can’t play it yet. This is probably the most under-hyped big game of the summer.

Irresponsible Reviews:

Note: These are called “irresponsible reviews” because I’m basing my review on a very short time playing the game. A responsible reviewer would play a game in it’s entirety before making a blanket statement damning it to the ether of shovelware. I’m not that guy.

• Bionic Commando (Retail)
• Playtime: 0 Minutes … as in never played it, not even the demo
• Review: Hey, the title of the blog is irresponsible news and reviews, so I’m living up to my commitment. I haven’t played this game. It's my blog and I'll do what I want! I'm ChubbyNinja Bitch! Here’s my take on this game: It looks pretty, story is incidental, the nature of the gameplay will be vomit inducing to anyone who gets even a little queezy from motion sickness, battles are ‘meh’ and the controls suck. I’ve seen reviews ranging from horrible to pretty good. But, they all fault the same areas, which I’ve outlined above. It’s just too damn hard to do what you want to do. And you’ll throw up while you’re trying to do it. Plus, I automatically deduct points for a game that’s demo is multiplayer only. Screw that.
• Verdict: Save your vomit (and your cash) for another day.

• Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (Retail)
• Playtime: 3 hours
• Review: This is a great game, no question about it. Graphics are beautiful, controls are solid, story is well thought-out and believable, fun factor is definitely there. The presentation blows away most anything to date and that is what makes this game not only stand the test of time, but also stand above the rest. That first mission where you’re on the tanker, that’s genius…cinematic and engaging. Note, I do get motion sickness pretty bad with FPS’, but this one wasn’t too bad in short bursts. I didn’t play through the whole game, for some reason it’s not my cup of tea. But, I cannot deny just how damn good it is.
• Verdict: Purchase (pronounced ‘Pur-chay-see’), especially since it’s down to $40 new

• Paperboy (Demo - XBLA)
• Playtime: 5 minutes
• Review: Nostalgia almost reeled me in. I remember playing Paperboy in the arcade and the shitty NES version years ago. Even my wife remembered this game and she’s no gamer. I thought, I have some M-soft points burning a hole in my pocket, let’s get something. Thank God I tried the demo first. This game ..um... Jump to the verdict.
• Verdict: This game was shit back in the day and its shit now. Screw that little bastard with the radio control car. Avoid this turd.

Status Report:

My family got me Blue Dragon for my B-day this month. I’m 5.5 hours in and I’m really enjoying it. Sure, it’s not super-epic with ground-breaking features. But, hey, I like it. It’s like Lost Odyssey which I likened to comfort food. Mistwalker is an amazing development house, and I thank Sakaguchi san and Uematsu san for keeping these types of games alive.

I’m an admitted achievement whore, and Blue Dragon doesn’t give up achievements very easily, either. Which is a testament, to me at least, to how good the game is. For me to commit to a 40 hour game, with few achievements and a reported weak story, the game has to be pretty dang good. Simple, traditional turn-based battles are the main course and that’s what I love. The strategy behind turn-based battles is just so fun. As compared to coming off of Star Ocean: The Last Hope which felt like a button masher. Now, take all this with somewhat of a grain of salt, I’m only 5.5 hours in. Although I always hear people say the game sucks until very late. I’m having fun now, so I hope it continues.

I’ll play this through the summer, while taking breaks to wrap up Assassin’s Creed and I’ll go ‘cheevemint whoring with Kung Fu Panda, too. My gamerscore is at 8795 and I’m anxious to break 10K! Hey, I’d play something new if there was anything worth playing that just came out or is coming out soon. Friggin Batman delay. Maybe I’ll check out Prototype.

On the Horizon:

Four Syllables. E3 next week.

Now, for something totally unrelated:

My two favorite acronyms are NFC and GFY. NFC = No Fat Chicks and GFY = Go ‘F Yourself. Not sure why, both seem to find their way into my vernacular quite often.

Issue 4 - May 2009

ChubbyNinja’s Irresponsible Game News & Reviews:
Issue 4 : May 7, 2009



Latest Happenings:
The biggest ‘latest happening’ is the delay of Batman Arkham Asylum. Ridiculous. That game was getting so much pre-release buzz and even the in-store ad’s and demo’s were out in force. Then the delay. I’m very disappointed, but I wonder if something more nefarious is going on. Let’s put the pieces together, shall we? Eidos has a great game lined up, Square Enix buys Eidos, Square Enix thinks “hmph, if FF XIII isn’t ready, we don’t have a big-name title for the holiday”, next thing you know, Batman is delayed to late summer to fall. Very suspicious, methinks.

The other interesting news is all the pre-E3 rumors. Some big names are already publicly teasing, like Modern Warfare 2 (note the lack of the Call of Duty tag) and Assassins Creed 2. Konami is teasing a Kojima Productions game on either May 15th or May 18th and rumor it’s an Xbox 360 exclusive version of Metal Gear Solid. I’ll believe that when I see it. I bet it’s Zone of the Enders 3, which will hardly be exciting. If it was a Snatcher remake or sequel….now we’re talkin! Then we have the oft rumored Xbox 360 full-body motion control sensor. Meh. That’s my response. Love me or leave me alone.

What would I like to see at E3? I’ll break it down:

1. For the 360 = Another blockbuster announcement on par with FFXIII from last year. A Metal Gear Game would suffice. More Mass Effect 2 is a must! I’d also like to see Killer Instinct 3 from Rare. If motion control is the big deal, I’ma be one pissed off fella. Oh, more fun stuff to do with your avatar would be nice, too.
2. For the PS3 = Kingdom Hearts 3. Please Heavenly Father up above in Heaven, make this happen. I expect God of War III to be huge along with maybe Grand Turismo or something. For some reason, I don’t think we’ll hear about a blockbuster exclusive title. I hope I’m wrong. Although I do expect they will continue to build with strong titles, but not that one “OMG the world just turned upside down” announcement that I think most people believe they need right now.
3. For the Wii = I expect to hear Reggie say “ooooh, we’ve got the core audience covered!” then show us Legend of Zelda: Horse Mane Comber for the Wii – with motion control hair combing action!! I expect nothing short of a slap in the face from Nintendo. Once again, I hope I’m wrong. I honestly can’t think of anything they could do at this point to take my gaming time away from the 360.
4. For the DS = more drivel. Nuff said.
5. For the PSP = Finally, the reveal of the new hardware. Although, I do believe it won’t be the PSP2, but a hardware reset w/ slide out controls and no UMD drive. When you look at it, yes, it’s new and it’s pretty and smaller. But, with a big enough memory stick, can’t the current PSP do everything the rumored new revision can do? Yeah, not as big a deal when you break it down. I also want, strike that, need to hear more about Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep. I expect a few new big games to be announced that will surprise us.

Irresponsible Reviews:
Note: These are called “irresponsible reviews” because I’m basing my review on a very short time playing the game. A responsible reviewer would play a game in it’s entirety before making a blanket statement damning it to the ether of shovelware. I’m not that guy.

Resident Evil 5 (demo)
o Playtime: 10 Minutes
o Review: What a disappointment. Capcom has taken the Resident Evil franchise from being a modern day parallel to the Castlevania series (in that it was a horror themed action series) and turned it into a run of the mill gimmicky shooter. Sure, the graphics are great, but the gameplay, the setting, the gimmick are all just blah. The controls were flat out poop, too. Beyond that, I tried to hold a candle for Capcom regarding the racism controversy. But, when you’re playing, it does feel weird to be a white guy running around shooting black guys. It just feels wrong and weird.
o Verdict: Get it when you find it for $10 or less purely out of sense that you need to because it’s Resident Evil.

Fable II – Knothole Island (DLC)
o Playtime: 3 hours
o Review: If you liked Fable II, then this is a continuation of the side quests with a self contained story. The three dungeons are fun, nothing special. The story is interesting and the interactions are very funny. The Mayor is a complete dick and it was fun to be evil while on the island. The new stuff….clothing, potions….are mildly interesting. If you made a choice that left you ‘alone’, then I understand you can visit the graveyard on the Island to ‘meet up with an old traveling companion’ which is extremely cool.
o Verdict: At $10, it’s a little steep. But, if you’re a Fable junkie you need to buy it. Then go buy ‘See the Future’, it’s even better.

Star Ocean IV (Retail)
o Playtime: 9 Hours
o Review: I wanted this game to be a big deal. I wanted this to quench my Japanese role playing game hole. I just couldn’t get into it. The characters are pretty cliché, and you want to care more than you actually do. They just seem like they were developed by a 1st year student in one of those cheesy ‘You too can develop videogames!’ ads. The story is pretty mundane, too. The big thing this one has going for it are pretty visuals and a really fun battle system. It is fun and deep, but that can’t carry a 40 hour game like this. I felt like I was playing an early PSX RPG with bad localization.
o Verdict: I love RPG’s, but this is one that I can’t recommend. I actually enjoyed Infinite Undiscovery much more and that game gets ho-hum reviews at best.

Status Report:

Flipping back and forth lately. Playing Assassin’s Creed, Kung Fu Panda and now Fable II – See the Future. This latest Fable II jaunt should only last a few hours, so I’ll buzz through this quick, then I’ll jam on KFP to get the achievements. Then back to Assassin’s Creed. Just wasting time until the next big thing

On the Horizon:
Since Batman isn’t coming out in June, which was to be the ‘next big thing’, I may go back to finish Infinite Undiscovery. There isn’t a lot new that interests me right now. Ghostbusters looks okay, but that’s about it until August/September. We’ll see what my birthday brings me next week. Maybe some Blue Dragon action or store credit to get a PSP. All I know is that I can’t wait to get my PS3 and dig into MGS4, Uncharted and more. Heck, I’ll be able to pick up Uncharted 2 by the time I get the system! Very Nice!